My Heart Is a Vessel

I find it very difficult to share myself with anyone tonight. But here is a small thought.

Someone once told me that their heart was a vessel in a swirling, deep, but friendly sea. That sentence allowed me to overlook all of my struggles and frustrations with the man that I care for. 

 

Although I hurt and struggle with picking myself up, in the end I know it was all worth it.

That i shouldnt feel regret towards anything I ever believed in. That I shouldn’t ever hold back an ‘I love you.’

No matter how lonely it gets, there are moments to hold onto.

 

Advertisements

To love and not be loved.

I have been thinking a lot about love lately. It is strange because I find myself walking through the park wishing that someone were there, to smell the air with me. I want to be able to love with everything that I am. To accept others, and myself for every form we may possess. Good days, off days, days when we feel the lowest about ourselves. And then I wonder that maybe, maybe it is possible. You know, to love someone for all that they are. And if it is possible for me to love someone for everything they are, then maybe it is possible for them to return the same affection.

Maybe I am worth something.

I want to be able to look back and say that from this point forward I put every ounce of love and strength I have into every friendship and relationship without expecting anything in return.

And that is the true test of life is it not?

To love regardless of what people have to offer you?

I challenge you to do something for someone you love without expecting any kind of acknowledgment.

You may be surprised as to how you feel and how hard it really is..

20140321-215848.jpg

Posting Truth

Saatchi Online Artist NIEMAND corinne chaufour; Drawing, ""champ" de l'innocence  XXXXX IX" #art

People assume that individuals, such as myself, who post somewhat slow moving, ‘depressing’ thoughts, are in fact, miserable. 

I do not understand this. I just want to post my truth. 

 I feel as though I have felt everything I am going to feel in this life. and so here I am standing amid the hussle and bussle of peoples lives. This is how I feel for the moment. It is in fact about themoment, is it not?

I just want to post from the heart, mind and soul. I want to write melodic sentences that at least one individual can relate to. If i reach one person, I have succeeded. 

I need people to know that if they feel out of place because they know they see the world in a different way than everyone else, it isnt strange to feel like that. In fact, if you feel this way, congratulations. 

You have accepted you are different. You have an eye for something no one else will.

And I think that is quite swell.

Breathing.

Sometimes i like to just sit and breathe…

Other times I like to just sit.

After everything came to an end, breathing had become a foreign concept to me. The air wasnt tempting me anymore as it had done in the past. And manipulation now has a new meaning in its entirety. 

My body had become an object and my love had become invisible to this man who looked at me as if I was the worst thing  that had ever happened to him.

I hold myself at night, curled up in a ball..and cry silent sobs..why..why this..and why that…and why would I ever have sex with someone who doesnt love me…why didnt he kiss me….why didnt he talk to me…why didnt i see?

Other times i try to scream at my old self in my old memories ‘Wake up!!!’.. ‘Wake up!!’ 

And i dont, because i am trapped in that beautiful moment. When we were driving and you grabbed my hand and smiled at me.

You smiled….at me…

Did i mean something to you then? Could you have maybe..just maybe been in love with me at that moment?

I am not sure… and i will never know. But i hope one day you can look back at that moment and enjoy it once again…

35PHOTO - Alexander Z - No title

photo credit. Alexander Z.